Deepest Regret
by Narukami Aiko
Summary: [OneShot, SPOILERS for HBP] In the end, it would become his deepest regret. [Snape's POV Don't read unless you're prepared for spoilers! This is a little oneshot concerning a scene in book 6]


**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Harry Potter". It belongs to the brilliant JK Rowling. No harm is intended with this fic.

**Warnings:** This fic is a **spoiler**for _"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"_. If you have not read the sixth book in its entirety, I am not responsible for spoiling it for you! Don't read this fic unless you are prepared to know what happens! Consider yourselves warned.

**A/N:** I just finished book six. It's brilliant. JKR is a goddess. But I simply can't believe it's all so simple. I had to write this little bit, if only to make myself feel better. But this fic does express my opinions about the outcome of the book. I hope y'all enjoy it.

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_It's over,_ he thought as he sat down wearily on his couch. After fleeing Hogwart's, Snape and Draco had reported to the Dark Lord. Voldemort was quite angry with the younger Malfoy for not having completed his assignment, but praised Snape, calling the former Potions Master his "most loyal servant of all". Snape shuddered to think on it, actually. After receiving the thanks of Narcissa, Snape had made his escape back to his home at Spinner's End, where he had begun to pack up everything essential. In a few hours he would leave his home, and stay with the Dark Lord, so that he might be available around the clock to serve his master.

Snape snorted in disgust. _Yes, my great **master**. _He sighed heavily. He was going to miss Hogwart's greatly… and there was an ache in his chest, like some part of him was missing. _But something is missing… Albus._

Yes, he had done it. Severus Snape had killed Albus Dumbledore. But not because he hated the man and wished him dead, no… he killed Dumbledore because he loved and respected the man. Snape knew from the moment he took the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy that he would be forced to take his mentor's life.

He had informed Dumbledore of Voldemort's plans to have the young Malfoy assassinate him as soon as he'd heard them. And then he'd related the tale of the Unbreakable Vow just hours after he'd given it. The Headmaster had known, and had been prepared. _If only there'd been some other way… Or if only Potter hadn't been around to see…_

That was what really irked him about the whole situation. He'd had nearly a year to cope with the fact that he'd probably have to kill the only man he'd ever really thought of as a father. _But Potter… What was the boy doing up there anyways? He must've been under that infernal cloak… _Snape knew that Dumbledore had left in search of another of the Horcruxes… but he didn't know that Potter had gone with him. He should've guessed though, as Dumbledore had made it perfectly clear that he might not be returning from his journey to get the object which could contain a fragment of Voldemort's soul.

He sighed again. He wished he could've explained it to Potter… but there was no time, there was no way. They were not alone on the tower… there were other Death Eaters present. But you didn't have to be a Legilimens to know that Dumbledore couldn't have been begging for mercy from Snape when there were other Death Eaters present!

Snape snorted once more. _The boy probably thinks I'm evil. He probably feels justified in hating me all these years…_ But if Snape were truly evil, why hadn't he killed Dumbledore years ago? Or why hadn't he killed Harry Potter when the boy was still young and unable to defend himself? Surely not even the threat of Albus Dumbledore could've stopped a loyal servant of the Dark Lord from killing their lord's greatest enemy?

_Stupid boy._ Why couldn't the boy have worked out that if he had in fact been evil, what could have stopped him from cursing everyone in sight? He'd knocked Flitwick out in his office where he could've killed him. He'd left the students, other faculty, and Order members alone when he'd gone up to the tower. Even after the Headmaster was dead, and there was no way to claim that he was only pretending to be good, Snape had not fired a single curse at any of his former colleagues or students. Instead he had fled with the Malfoy boy. Hell, even when Potter had been trying to curse him, trying to get him to fight back, he hadn't done anything but deflect the attacks. Why? _Because I'm not really evil._

Snape looked around his house. "I better finish packing," he said to no one in particular. He regretted that he was going to have to play the villain full-time… he regretted that he was going to have to fight against those he respected and cared about… But his deepest regret was that they were all going to think him a coward, and think that he had wanted to kill the only person he'd ever truly cared about.

_I'm not evil,_ he repeated to himself, over and over again.

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**A/N:** Okay… so that's my theory. Snape can't really be a bad guy… There's just too many things in the sixth book that make me feel like he's still good… too many instances where he could've done something horrible, and instead either ignored whatever was going on, or did whatever he could to cause the least damage. Plus… he's a half-blood! Why would he want wipe out all Muggleborns and half-bloods? Why? Gah. I hope y'all enjoyed this little ficlet. 


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